Conduct
Conduct yourself like a lady. Wear
dresses that fall below the knees,
stockings, sensible shoes, high-cut
blouses. Avoid garish make up --
corals and pinks are best. In your case,
you better not use more than lipstick.
You don't want to emphasize that big
mouth. Wash your hair every day.
Keep your room neat and tidy. Shave
your hairy legs and armpits, and for
god's sake pluck those caterpillar
eyebrows. Say please and thank you.
RSVP to dinner invitations promptly
and remember to write THANK YOU
cards. Try everything on your plate.
Compliment the chef. Sit with your
legs closed and hold your fork and knife
gently, like this, by their handles. Speak
softly and only when spoken to --
you have a tendency to shoot your
mouth off. Make sure your napkin covers
your big lap. Chew with your big
mouth closed and keep your elbows
off the table. Always ask others about
themselves -- no one cares about you
or your ridiculous ideas. Never call
a boy ... let him call you. Play hard
to get if you want to be gotten. Who
will pay for the milk if he can get the
cow for free? Never accept a last minute
invitation; that means you were an after-
thought, and they don't really care
about you. Always walk on the street
in pairs and never at night. Go to bed
early, and alone, wearing a long night-
gown. Save yourself for marriage.
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